rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
