True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
why is half of my head shaved?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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