So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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