I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
