Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
