Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
