I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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