You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they need to just BURY HIM!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
