I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Damn victory sex feels great
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
