I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
