I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
