You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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