Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
