We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
