Say something about gay babies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
