I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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