I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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