Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Of course I have a pirate flag
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
