The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
