I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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