Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
