come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
