im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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