david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
