I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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