I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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