If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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