Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
