I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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