it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
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half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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