I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
organizing the empties. That sober.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
