oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
