Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
