Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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