I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
