if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
