Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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