you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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