I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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