well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it glows. i had to have it.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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