Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
