Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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