i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
