I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?