I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
