Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
