I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
