She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
