Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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