i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize