Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
