Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
