Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
