Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
