can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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