party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
