Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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