ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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