I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
