Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
