I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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