oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
